Get It?

The biggest obstacle to learning something new is the belief that you already know it.

Thanks, Rye for this loan... Hmm, still prefer the earlier book but hey, you always learn something new, right? Karl Albrecht's "Social Intelligence - The New Science of Success" is an easy read.

In a nutshell, S.I. is the ability to get along with others and to get them to cooperate with you. Being equipped with Nourishing S.I. Type means we are able to reduce conflict, create collaboration, replace bigotry and polarization with understanding and mobilize people towards common goals.

The book provides tips on how to avoid Toxic S.I. Type i.e. people with physiological blindspot such as - Social Halitosis (inconsiderate behaviour with willful disregard for social rights of others), Social Flatulence (lack of respect for accepted norms) and Social Dandruff (a behaviour that imposes one’s interest on others)... Suddenly I am able to attach such labels to some 'toxics' I know, ha!

It also provides helpful tools to develop Nourishing S.I. Type:

1. SPACE Skills - Situational awareness: “Social radar”, Presence: “Social bearing”, Authenticity: “Other’s judgment of us”, Clarity: “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt as words are the structure of thought i.e. verbal map” (adopt ‘Route 350’ & ‘E-Prime’), and Empathy: “State of connectedness” (adopt ‘LEAPS’, “Do unto others as others prefer to be done unto” & “4-Minute Relationship Maintenance”)

2. SPICE Leadership - Skills, Procedure, Information, Consensus and Empathy (hot stuff!)

3. Art of Negotiation - Avoid argument as arguing is a self-reinforcing habit pattern, set up crucial conversation (BATNA) & adopt the 5-step value added negotiation

From a corporate angle, I learnt how to identify 17 patterns of corporate disorder or degradation(you may spot one or some in your company? Yikes!):
1. Attention Deficit Discorder
2. Anarchy
3. Anemia
4. Caste System
5. Civil War
6. Despotism
7. Fat, Dumb & Happy
8. General Depression
9. Geriatric Leadership
10. The Looney CEO
11. Malorganization i.e. Structural Arthritis
12. The Monopoly Mentality
13. The One-Man Band
14. The Rat Race
15. Silos
16. Testosterone
17. The Welfare State

From a personal angle, I can use S.I. to develop and maintain a meaningful relationship as it seems that the simplest things, when ignored would accummulate to an unwanted (not to mention, sad) ending. As the saying by Edna St Vincent Millay goes, “Tis not love’s going hurt my days, but that it went in little ways”.

Quotes I love from the book are:
“Any strength when taken to an unreasonable extreme can become a weakness. So deploy one’s strengths with a sense of strategy and understanding of the tradeoffs involved.” (Afterthought: This I found to be true so moral of the story is to keep things in moderation and before you leap forward, assess the situation; can't say enough about Strategy, Strategy & Strategy!)

“A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still” – William Blake (Afterthought: I especially agree that there is no point arguing with toxics whose personal agenda is to impose their interests on you; for some its like an endless power play... hmm)

“The best captain does not plunge headlong nor the best soldier a fellow hot to fight. The greatest victor wins without the battle” – Lau Tzu (Afterthought: Its true that before you 'jump to conclusion' investigate FIRST and seek room for negotiation)

There was a special mention on Hofstede's work where cultural background also plays a part in one's S.I. level.

Other interesting read include EQ & MI.